We need to talk…
When you have a sink full of dishes. Dirty, sticky floors and counters. The laundry is piled higher than the Empire State Building. Your significant other is asking for “some lovin’” and you are not really into it. If you have children, it may be every little sound, action or argument that really sets off your impatient or intolerance alarm. It’s not that you are generally unhappy, in fact you may be in love and perfectly content that your life is exactly the way you want it. But there is just something that is not aligned. Something is off, and you can’t quite put your finger on it. It may just be that you are in a downward phase what I like to call a “funk”.
Your business “to-do” lists are long and untouched. You are barely able to focus in your daily or weekly meetings. You don’t actually remember the drive from your home to your job. You aren’t actually listening to your co-workers or your team members.This may be causing some tension in the workplace. If you own your own business, you are not showing up consistently and you really don’t care. You forget to communicate with your clients, or you are not putting in the effort to actually grow your audience. You want to launch a new big project or a new course that you know without a doubt will save lives, so you half ass the content and you sit there in your pajamas binge watching Netflix and eating your kids’ Eggo waffles for breakfast.
Enter all of your excuses here………You may or may not know damn well that you are in a funk, and you honestly don’t care or even have the motivation to change it. Endless memes of positive mindset pop up on your Facebook News feed or your Instagram all day long, but you scroll past as you silently say “Yes, universe, I get the message, I need help getting out of a funk.” You rant to your bestie and they may tell you what you don’t want to hear. If you have a mindset coach they might tell you to “think happy thoughts” and that’s not gonna cut it.
Here’s a truth. No one wants to really hear the excuses, and your negativity is causing others to have negativity. There’s a ripple effect going on around you.
So what do you actually need to do to get out of this funk?
It’s not binging on Netflix or spending 3 hours of endless scrolling on social media. It’s not getting caught up on housework and taking a shower ( although this is a good place to start!) It’s not telling yourself that “tomorrow is a new day!” It’s definitely not drinking a little too much wine at that work party and telling your boss how you really feel about the new project he/she gave to you.
You start by shutting off all electronics or taking a day off ( if you can) and have a “Self- care day”. No, not the type where you go and get your nails done, hair perfected, tanning bed or a massage. These types of activities are better for celebrating wins! What you actually need is a day to meditate, journal or to actually reflect on your current life situations. Ask yourself those hard questions; “Why am I in this funk? What has caused it? What is the solution to these problems? What can I do to change them? “ Go for a walk outside and get grounded. Refocus your goals. Reignite the passion for your why in your business. Really evaluate your career and why you love it, the reason why you get up in the morning and get your ass there. Truly, deeply find your reason to get out of a funk and what it’s truly, deeply going to take.
>>>Then you can start looking at what will motivate you to get back into the hustle or show your office people that you are not just there for them, but that you are there for you!
>>>Sign up for that yoga or fitness class that you have been procrastinating to join.
>>>Go get outside and get grounded. Hiking, camping, go to a retreat. Something that gets you out of cell service and back into nature!
>>>Do whatever you want that is positive and going to help you reignite that passion.
>>>Say those damn affirmations or those inspiring quotes that you have been rolling your eyes at on social media.
>>> Share your experience about what got you in and what helped get you out of a funk in a transparent livestream (if you are on social media) or write a letter and share it with your bestie.
>>>Take small steps, repeat the ones you can do in 10 minutes everyday. Before long you will see yourself Getting Out of That Funk!!
This isn’t an overnight process.
It may take weeks or even months! You’ve got to let go of the how and concentrate on getting better and creating a habit of good tools to help you cope for the next funk. Sometimes you have to think about this funk in an analogy. The cute caterpillar has to turn into its own cocoon and shield itself while completely breaking down, working through it’s goo, so that it can grow into a beautiful butterfly and spread its wings and be a better version of itself!
Because I can promise you that this will happen again and again and again.
Each time you reach a new personal or business level, there will be new challenges and new problems that may end up putting you in a funk. Yep, I’m talking about sabotage here! But with every time you practice getting yourself out of it, the easier it becomes and the phases get shorter. You also start to become aware of it starting to come around, you are able to recognize the signs and can get a head start at getting out of that newest funk!
Now there is something I want to add here, something a lot of people forget to consider when getting out of a funk or making changes to mindset.
It’s grief. You are in a funk because something needs to change in order for you to grow. Once that has happened, you have to let go of past feelings or resentments. You have to literally lay your past to rest. Which means that if you do not allow the grief stages to happen, then you will certainly find those old habits creeping back in. So what do those stages look like? The cycle starts with denial, then Shock, the pain, the guilt starts, maybe even anger, bargaining and justifying those old ways of thinking, possible depression. Then the cycle starts to go in the up direction with reflection, feelings of loneliness which can be helpful if you have support, then positive change, the reconstruction, working through it, and finally acceptance and hope!
This cycle of grief can take differing amounts of time depending on the type of person you are, those surrounding you and what the funk or situation is. Sometimes it can be all in one day or a week, but be aware that sometimes it can take months. DO NOT beat yourself up for how long or short your grief cycle takes, this is difficult and the guilt and shame step can take a while, again depending on the variables mentioned.
I’ve seen this myself and with my clients.
Every Time they’ve picked up their yarn and hook and crochet with intent on coping with a funk, they are able to over turn it! Meditation and journaling will also help with this as well.
But how and why?
You see, there is some science here.
When you meditate, you are focusing on one thing and letting go of distractions physically around you as well as mentally. If you are the type of person where you need your body to move in order to meditate, then crocheting (or knitting) with intent is a good thing! When you are crocheting, your mind is able to focus on the stitch work or the physical act of creation. Which activates parts of the brain that will allow the concentration needed to meditate and focus on what you need in that moment. You can partner this time with journaling and it will allow your brain to open up different ways of thinking and help you to see your situation in a more open perspective. And for those of you who thrive on scientific proof, basically when you meditate and/or yarn craft you are giving your brain shots of dopamine and serotonin which helps in increasing your “happiness hormones” and lowering the cortisol or “in danger” chemicals in the brain. Which chemically helps you to get out of a funk! In my Mindset & Crochet Coaching packages I teach these techniques! It is so vital in helping get someone out of a funk.
Once you have successfully gotten yourself out of your funk, what’s next?
You are ready to take on the world! Launch the best project or course you have ever done and get that ROI from it. Show up at your workplace ready to take on that big project and start to refresh the relationships with your co-workers. Be the best damn parent or spouse you need to be, And hell, while you are at it, celebrate with getting your hair, nails and that tan on! Go put that “Girl’s Night Out” together and enjoy yourselves!
If you see your Bestie in this funk, then here’s a tip.
Listen. Don’t talk until she’s done, and just listen. Compliment her on her bravery for talking about her issues and offer to go along with her when taking steps of improvement. Offering advice to look for the “rainbows and unicorns” of the situation is not going to help, and it might even cause more harm. Give support when needed. Back away when needed. Encourage self help, bravery and build up her confidence.
If it is your significant other or a spouse that is in a funk, then re read the above paragraph because it applies here too. Maybe add some conversation time to really see what they need from you in order to feel like they are safe enough to “get in the mood”. Examine both of your love languages and see if you can implement them in a new and healthy way. The way they are feeling may have nothing to do with you and they don’t quite know how to respond to your advances, heck it may even seem disrespectful to them at the time. Don’t get angry, be understanding and supportive. They will get themselves out of this funk and when they do, they will be a better version of themselves!